13 January

What’s up, diary?

Holy cow times 1000! I hope that the whole world suffers from an acute case of amnesia so that everyone at school will forget what happened today in P.E. I just knew that Friday the 13th was going to be the worst day ever.

Mom didn’t believe me this morning when I told her that I had a sprained throat. I tried to make my voice sound sprained and I bit my bottom lip to look miserable. But she called my bluff. She forced me to go to school. So on the way I got to thinking about whether you could brown-nose to Friday the 13th. I was pretty sure that if I invented some bad luck of my own, then Friday the 13th wouldn’t be able to surprise me with something terrible later on. I stuffed some snow up under my shirt and I screamed out “OW, what bad luck!” so that Friday the 13th would hear me. I even poured snow down my pants too, to make EXTRA sure that nothing else bad would happen.

In P.E. we had to do gymnastics. I hate Gymnastics. First Arnold put on a clown show. He climbed up on top of the parallel bars. Then he realized how high up he was. He had a panic attack and started to blubber. Everyone clapped. Then it was time to do somersaults. Theobald got a concussion. He had started to roll over but forgot to put his hands out. He landed right on his head.

“Friday the 13th gets everyone,” Benny said.

The whole class got scared. Except for me. Because I had already had my bad luck.

Then I did a somersault. Which I never should have done. Right as I was flipping over, I remembered that I had forgotten to put on underwear under my gym shorts. But I realized my mistake too late. The tragedy was a reality. My pee-pee willie jumped out, the whole class saw it. They almost fell down laughing. I went and hid. Stupid Mom! I should have been at home with a sprained throat. My brown-nosing for Friday the 13th had failed. Next time it’s Friday the 13th, I’m going to find a country where it’s against the law to do somersaults. And that’s where I’m going to live forever and ever.

Thanks, bye,

 I’m so embarrassed I could die...