What’s up, diary?
Yesterday
I saw Nadia. You know, my wife. It’s the first time I’ve seen her this year.
She looks just like she did last year, except I noted another zit or two on her
forehead.
“Yeah,
huh, zits are cool,” I said.
“Takes
one to know one,” my wife said. “Nice zit-nose.”
Then I
went into the bathroom and scrubbed my nose for 12 minutes.
“Nice
Rudolph-nose,” she said.
I
wanted to cry. But I got a kiss instead.
Nadia
is in the seventh grade at Northside Junior High School. I go to a different
school. That means that I can’t check and see what Nadia is doing during the
day. But maybe it’s just as well. It’s like my dad always says: you shouldn’t
mix business with pleasure. Come to think of it, that might be the only good
thing Dad has ever said.
Nadia
is taking violin lessons. She’s a real pro. She can play stuff by Mozart, Bach
and Madonna. Nadia is best at playing the note F sharp. That’s what she usually
plays when she forgets one of the other notes. One time at a recital she got so
nervous that she played F sharp the whole time when she was playing Silent
Night. Another time, at another recital, she accidentally smacked her music
teacher in the chin with her bow. Nadia is very entertaining on the violin.
Kisses
are interesting. According to the rules, an official French kiss has to be 2
minutes long. Our personal record is 5 minutes and 14 seconds. Then Nadia
started to suffocate. I was sucking in air the whole time. The next day, Nadia
had to stay home from school. I wonder if my favorite comic-book hero the
Phantom has to stay home after he’s been kissed by Diana...
Speaking
of kisses, I asked Mom to tape the latest episode of Sunset Beaches for me today. It’s a great new soap-opera about a
typical family from New Jersey. Kenneth has just come back from reform school
but Brenda doesn’t know that so she’s gotten a new father for Kenneth, whose
name is Dan. Kenneth’s real father Darryl has just had an affair with the gay
guy Carl. Carl and Darryl are trying to adopt Hassan from Iran who is in hiding
from the military police. Kenneth had been a racist before but then he met
Brett in prison who had just quit doing drugs and now just runs a prostitution
ring on the week-ends and that’s why Dan quit talking with Brett’s mom who is
really Brenda’s illegitimate daughter who she had when she was 13.
I
can’t understand why Mom won’t let me watch anything but Barney any more.
Signing off,
with a nose like
Rudolph!
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