onsdag 11 februari 2015

5 January

What’s up, diary?

Yesterday I saw Nadia. You know, my wife. It’s the first time I’ve seen her this year. She looks just like she did last year, except I noted another zit or two on her forehead.
“Yeah, huh, zits are cool,” I said.
“Takes one to know one,” my wife said. “Nice zit-nose.”
Then I went into the bathroom and scrubbed my nose for 12 minutes.
“Nice Rudolph-nose,” she said.
I wanted to cry. But I got a kiss instead.
Nadia is in the seventh grade at Northside Junior High School. I go to a different school. That means that I can’t check and see what Nadia is doing during the day. But maybe it’s just as well. It’s like my dad always says: you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure. Come to think of it, that might be the only good thing Dad has ever said.
Nadia is taking violin lessons. She’s a real pro. She can play stuff by Mozart, Bach and Madonna. Nadia is best at playing the note F sharp. That’s what she usually plays when she forgets one of the other notes. One time at a recital she got so nervous that she played F sharp the whole time when she was playing Silent Night. Another time, at another recital, she accidentally smacked her music teacher in the chin with her bow. Nadia is very entertaining on the violin.
Kisses are interesting. According to the rules, an official French kiss has to be 2 minutes long. Our personal record is 5 minutes and 14 seconds. Then Nadia started to suffocate. I was sucking in air the whole time. The next day, Nadia had to stay home from school. I wonder if my favorite comic-book hero the Phantom has to stay home after he’s been kissed by Diana...
Speaking of kisses, I asked Mom to tape the latest episode of Sunset Beaches for me today. It’s a great new soap-opera about a typical family from New Jersey. Kenneth has just come back from reform school but Brenda doesn’t know that so she’s gotten a new father for Kenneth, whose name is Dan. Kenneth’s real father Darryl has just had an affair with the gay guy Carl. Carl and Darryl are trying to adopt Hassan from Iran who is in hiding from the military police. Kenneth had been a racist before but then he met Brett in prison who had just quit doing drugs and now just runs a prostitution ring on the week-ends and that’s why Dan quit talking with Brett’s mom who is really Brenda’s illegitimate daughter who she had when she was 13.
I can’t understand why Mom won’t let me watch anything but Barney any more.

Signing off,

 with a nose like Rudolph!

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