lördag 23 januari 2016

21 January

What’s up, diary?

A dead man is talking to you.
Yesterday I had the worst luck in the world. 
Our class had a history test. 
I knew everything ... about the wrong war. 
“I’m a little before my time,” I told our teacher.
“You’ll get another chance next week,” she said.

I saw Nadia today, that’s what the yabadabadoo was about. 
She’s become friends with the new guy in her class. 
That’s why I’m a dead man. 
As soon as Nadia started talking about him, I could tell that the marriage was over. 
Nadia told me that the new guy has cute dimples. 
I glanced at myself in the mirror. 
I have puffy cheeks. 
But then Nadia told me that she loves me. 
I didn’t believe her. I had to make her take a lie-detector test by taking her pulse.

“You can take someone’s pulse best near their heart,” Nadia said.
I took her pulse. It felt 100% ok.
I told Nadia that someone had broken into my school.
“Yeah, I know,” Nadia said.
“WHAT?!” I screamed and remembered my suspicions about the thief being a certain guy with cute dimples.
“Yeah, it was in the paper that they caught the guy who did it.”
“WHAT?!” I screamed again.
“Are you going deaf??” Nadia asked. “It said in the paper that they caught some 56 year-old guy who had done it.”

56 year-old, I thought to myself. Do they have kids that old in Nadia’s class? 
He must have failed a whole heap of times.
“Did the thief have cute dimples?” I asked.
He didn’t. 
My suspicions were wrong, both about the thief and about Nadia. 
And unfortunately, about the new guy in Nadia’s class.

Bye, bye, bimpels,
 I hate dimples!

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