22 January

What’s up, diary?

On my way home from Nadia’s yesterday, there was so much snow that I felt I just had to roll around in it for a while. 
I rolled thirty-two times to the right and four times to the left. 
Then these two drunk guys showed up. 
I was sure they were going to rob me or force me to drink whiskey. 
But they didn’t. 
They started rolling around in the snow too. 
They had thought it looked fun when they saw me doing it. 
We rolled around for half an hour. 
Then Berry wanted to throw up because he was so dizzy. 
He felt he had to have a drink. 
Sam took one too. 
They asked me if I wanted a sip.
“No, thanks,” I said.
“Good thinking,” Sam said.
Then Berry offered me a bag of chips that he’d stolen from the gas-station. 
I thought for a minute about whether I could get in trouble for eating stolen chips. 
I decided to chance it. 
Berry and Sam were super nice. We talked about cows. 
Berry liked red ones the best. Sam preferred Swiss cows and I said that black-and-white ones were the best. 
Then I went home. 
Berry and Sam asked me if I wanted them to steal me a car so I wouldn’t have to walk.
“No, thanks,” I said.
“Good thinking,” they said. 
Then they stayed and rolled around in the snow a little more. 
After I left, I couldn’t help thinking that it felt just like Berry and Sam were old friends. 
Strange.

Earlier today the Floyd family had a visitor. 
Not a visitor from outer space but from 682 Orchard Road. 
The visitor didn’t have four green eyes or stringy, microscopic legs. 
She had thick-rimmed glasses and round thighs. The visitor’s name was Grandma.
“Believe in the Lord,” Grandma said when she came in.
“Leave in a Ford,” I rhymed, trying to be funny.
Grandma asked me if I wanted to go with her and Henry on a bus trip to the big outlet mall at Jones Mill Junction next weekend. 
It’s a local retirement home that’s organizing the trip. 
Grandma is going to buy plant-colored yarn and a Valentine’s Day table cloth. 
Iris Lindboom is going to take one of her grand-kids. I politely answered “no” by screaming hysterically right in Grandma’s face. 
Then I took off. 
I didn’t dare turn around in case my bad breath had knocked her out.

Gotta go rush,
 find my tooth-brush!