I can’t hear you.
Because today I’m deaf.
Are you wondering why, diary?
Well, it’s because I was hanging out with my main-squeeze Nadia today after school.
She wanted to play some songs that she’s been learning.
“Cool,” I said, and thought she was going to put on a CD.
Nadia took out her violin. HELP, I thought.
I acted like I got the flu and pretended to have a runny nose.
“Ooops,” I said. “I just got a snot attack.”
“Gross,” Nadia said.
“Yup,” I said and snuck off to the bathroom.
Then I stuffed my ears full of toilet paper.
So her violin couldn’t torture me.
When I got back into her room, I couldn’t hear a thing. She started moving the bow across the strings.
“Oh, how wonderfully beautiful!” I said, and clapped.
Which I shouldn’t have done.
“Do you have PEAS for BRAINS??” Nadia said. “I’m just tuning the strings.”
Nadia got raging mad and started using her bow like a sword. Unfortunately, she poked me in the ear with her bow-sword. The bow pushed the toilet paper in so far that it got stuck somewhere between my ear-drum and my brain. And now I’m deaf.
Dang, dong, ding,
can’t hear a thing!